:: Intan, Let it Go ::

Arini I rse cm agak panas hati. Tp I doa smua ni akan berakhir xlama lg. Harini 18.07.2011, genap sebulan, and I'm ready to let it go. After a month of struggle, pain and heartache, Allah sgt sayangkan I...and I rasa this is the best for me and my life.

I won't talk about my past anymore...no use...mmg xnk ungkit hal2 lama...baik yg best, sweet, pahit, atau apa2 saja...sbb apa yg jd buatkan smua tu hilang dlm sekelip mata. Rasa diri ni mmg dah dikhianati...bkn diri je, my trust, my devotion, everything. Apa yg ada dlm hati ni, Allah saja yg tahu.

Sgt2 terkilan sbb I x pernah aniaya org dgn niat, sgt penyabar and penyayang...and I xpernah letak apa2 syarat dlm hubungan...cukuplah jika hati dia ikhlas and terima semuanya seadanya. I terima dia seadanya, willing to do anything for him, utamakan dia lebih dr diri I sendiri, ikhlas dlm smua yg I buat utk dia. I pernah sayang dia lebih dr I sayang diri sendiri. Tp, siapa tahu, siapa duga, apa yg dijaga selama ni x kesampaian. Semua yg I buat x dihargai. Dan dia rasa I xcukup sempurna utk dia. I redha. Sbb Allah sgt sayang pd hambanya yg redha. Segala dugaan utk meningkatkan iman kita sebagai hambaNya.

I x kn menyalahkan sesiapa kt cni...sbb I rasa smua org tahu siapa yg salah, and siapa yg terbabit dalam hal ni. I xkn buat apa2 utk balas perbuatan khianat ni, tp Allah tahu semuanya. Hidup ni x selalu mudah. Kdg2 kita rasa kita jumpa org yg betul, kita bahagia, tp bila2 masa saja Allah boleh ubah smuanya jika Dia rasa itu bkn yg terbaik utk kita.

I pasti, ade lelaki yg lebih baik yg layak utk dptkan cinta I, kesetiaan I, dan semuanya yg I ada. Ada lelaki lain yg lebih layak berkongsi hidup dgn I. Lelaki yg tahu hargai diri I and semua pengorbanan I. Walaupun hati ni sakit ditipu, dikhianati, tp I rasa I x lose apa2. I ada segala2nya. He was right about one thing masa dia nk buang I dr hidup dia 'I am strong enough to face this'. Sekarang I tahu yg I kuat. Dulu mmg kalau fikir hal mcm ni akan jd, I was like 'This is going to kill me'. But now, I rasa I boleh hadapi semua ini, because I'm not that weak. 

Syukur pd Allah kerana beri I kekuatan utk face smua ni. And ramai sgt2 kwn and family yg x jemu support I and fhm apa I rasa...hanya Allah yg boleh balas jasa kamu smua. I believe in karma. Apa yg kita buat, buruk atau baik, akan ada pembalasan di dunia, atau akhirat. Cuma satu saja, org yg buat bnda ni pd I takkan dpt maaf I smpai akhir hayat dia, I swear. After apa yg I buat pd dia, I x layak disakiti smpai mcm ni, lgsg x layak. 

Penyesalan takkan dtg hari ni...mungkin esok, lusa, atau beberapa tahun lg...semua kuasa tuhan. God has so much to offer, but only few are wise enough to choose the best for themselves. Jgn sesekali menabur janji dan memberi harapan pd sesiapa, kalau kita tahu kita x terdaya nk tunaikannya. Jgn sayang seseorang, kalau kita tahu yg satu hari kita akan menghancurkan impian2nya. Maybe I x jumpa lg org yg boleh cinta I sehebat I cinta seseorang. Maybe Allah belum temukan I lg...one day nnti, insyaAllah.

Ingat, I pernah jatuh bgun dalam hidup, and this was the worst thing yg prnah org buat pd I. 

I TAKKAN MAAFKAN DIA AND THAT BITCH SMPAI BILA2. ALLAH MAHA MENGETAHUI APA YG I RASA. SEBAB I TAK PERNAH MENYAKITI DIA, AND I TAK MUDAH UTK I MAAFKAN APA YG DAH BERLAKU. I akan tnggalkan masa lalu I, and get up as a new me. It's okay if you break my heart, coz I'm no longer the woman you knew before. Coz I know how it feels like to be betrayed, to live in lies, to be so damn disappointed. Thank God, it makes me stronger! Look at my face at the top of this page, 
do I look like a dead flower? 

No, I'm blooming with the prettiest smile. 

Shame on you!

:: Like A Skyscraper! ::

Thanx to my dear friend, Izanie for this song. 

I love the song, I love the vid, I love the lyrics...I love e'thing about it! :)

Yes, I'm going thru a hard phase rite now...

Hope I can get thru it, easily.

With the blessing from Allah, family, frens (I owe u much! ~ Nnti I dedicate a post for ya'll...:) )

and everybody who knows the truth and nothing but the truth, May Allah bless u always.

Skies are crying
I am watching catching teardrops in my hands
Only silence, as it's ending, like we never had a chance
Do you have to make me feel like there's nothing left of me?

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

As the smoke clears I awaken and untangle you from me
Would it make you feel better to watch me while I bleed?
All my windows still are broken but I'm standing on my feet

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

Go run run run
I'm gonna stay right here
Watch you disappear
Yeah
Go run run run
Yeah it's a long way down but I'm closer to the clouds up here

:: Saya sangat teruja sbb ada ramai kwn yg support saya...maklumlah, org teraniaya ni Allah sayang...:) Saya sayang kwn2 saya sgt2...

Tnee, Izanie, Kieyra, Mimi, Cad comel, Kak Nurul, Kak Juwin, Tie, Bb, Bibie, Nana, JJ, Sha, Ekin and ramai lg yg bg support pd saya, (kalau sy lupa nk letak nama sorry tau...sbb smua kwn2 sy mmg sgt2 baik! ) :) hanya Allah yg dpt balas smuanya. 

Eh, nmpaknya smua kwn perempuan...maklumlah, saya xde kwn laki, sbb setia sgt dulu...hahaha...:D

Allah tu always ada dgn saya. Karma is Karma! Peace! :) ::

 

:: My July Faces ::

Siapa kata I xboley senyum???
Haha, nmpak cm gedik...tp sje, xde kje..
Ape salahnye nk gedik kot...spe pn xley kesah...:)

Once u break me, I'm goin' to be stronger...

I didn't lose anything, coz I have e'thing that u've ever wanted...:)

Allah blesses me with so much love...

Allah blesses u with so much regrets...:)

:: Happy dlm Sedih ::

Eventhough lately cm stress and agak sedey,

tp there's one thing yg buat I agak semangat n happy...:)

I da hampir dpt berat badan mcm mse kt UPM dlu...hehe.

Sgt2 teruja bila lose weight...

Da boley pkai smua baju yg dlu agak xbest nk pkai..hehe.

Mood makin okay bila ade azam baru..

Fight the temptation, Work hard...

InsyaAllah, I akan carry on my efforts neh...hehe.

New looks for Hari Raya? hehe.

 =) =) =)

:: Still ley senyum..=) ::

eyebag berbakul2...huhu

tp I still ley tersenyum...

Alhamdulillah...

Kdg2 kesedihan bg kita semangat baru...

Kalau kita xdiuji, kita xtahu tahap ketahanan 

and kesabaran kita...

Semakin kita redha, semakin Dia sayang kita and bg kita kekuatan...

Skarang, I just have one focus...

Usaha dulu utk dptkn kejayaan...

Go! Go! Intan Azlinda, you can do it! =)

:: Hek Eleh...:p ::

Adela sorg minah ni kira rasa da puas hatilah I ilang that someone tu,

sbb pd dia I rampas 'ex' dia dlu...so skrng I dapatla balasan...ngeh...=)

tak tahu cerita xyahla nk 'padan2' kn org, babe. 

Situation I xsame kot ngn situation you...xkiralah cmne endingnye.

Penah ke dia declare ngn minah ni secara rasminya? Ngeh...tuhan je yg tahu...:p

Konon2 sumpah dia menjadi la...nk ckp kt I 'rasakanlaaa'...hihi

lawaks okayh. cmne minah ni ley follow blog I laks? xde kje gamaknye...=)

I've never ever merampas hak org...coz he has never been yours! :)

You've never been declared as his gf x kirala kt mne pn...

Nobody knows. LOL.

So, bukan I yg rampas...plus, dia yg nk sgttttt kt I...ngeh...=)

nampak x bezanya, antara merampas dan bukan merampas?

Ke nk I bg definisi lain? LOL.

Thank youlah kerana rajin follow blog I yg xsberapa nih...=)

I okay je kt cni...sbb kalau betul dia tinggal I pn, I x rugi apa.
dia yg rugi, adalaa...hehe...=)

Allah swt tu tahu smuanya lah babe. Jgn you ingt you tahu sgt.

So, if you don't know anything, just keep your f***ing mouth shut.....*peace* =)

:: Tak Sedia Lagi! ::

I'm not ready to find and to know a new person.
Don't push me. 
Please understand.

Sekian.

:: Continuing My Colla! ::

Just bought my 'baby' ni yesterday...
This value pack is for 1 month supply.

Dulu pnah amalkan, tp stop jap...

Now rasa nk amalkan smpai 3,4 months,

nk tgk the difference...:)

I want to be gebu...nak, nak, nak...haha...;)

:: Why Me? ::

Hurm, I know, my frens marah bila I tnya soalan ni kt diorg.

Diorg akan kata "Sbb dia bukan utk you. Dia xcukup baik utk org baik cm you"

Yes, they can give many responses, tp hati I tetap terus bertanya.

Even he, himself xde jwpn utk soalan tu...kenapa? kenapa? kenapa?

Semua ni terlalu pelik utk I...

Maybe pd org yg paling tahu kisah kami pn akan kata 'Sabarlah, semua ini ada hikmahnya. Dia akan menyesal. Dia akan sedar satu hari nanti apa yg dia hilang...betapa bodohnya dia.'

Tapi I still tertanya2 dalam hati yg kecil ni...bila reminisce semua...rasa hal ini sgt xlogik.

Bukan I nk melawan takdir, bukan sbb dia berjanji manis, bukan sbb dia dah bg mcm2 barang...

Tapi sbb I kenal siapa dia. Maybe org akan kata 'Alah, maybe you rse you kenal dia, tp you belum nmpak his true colours'. Maybe ade benarnya ckp org tu.

Tp I have this ONE feeling yg pelik. I doa hari2 if dia bukan jodoh I, jauhkanlah hati I, ingatan I, semuanya tentang dia dr hidup I...

Tp makin I doa makin I terfikir. Ntahlah. Terfikir kenapa smua ini sungguh dramatik? Kenapa semua ini sungguh xlogik? Kenapa smua ini harus berakhir dgn I yg jd mangsa? I sendiri xtahu.
I mcm rasa smua yg dia dah jnji dan buat tu ikhlas...kenapa??
Was I too stupid to believe in him? Tp org bodoh je yg tak percaya.
If you were in my shoes, mesti you akan percaya smuanya.

Org boleh kata 'Lupakan dia! Jangan fikirkan sgt! Busykan diri!'

Tp bukan mudah...bila kita dah semai sebiji benih, kita jaga dgn penuh kasih sayang...kita siram tiap hari, kita baja, kita lihat dia tumbuh mekar, kita hanya jaga dia sepanjang masa, buahnya yg manis buat kita gembira setiap masa...dan tiba2 ada tangan jahat yg mencantasnya sehingga mati...apakah kita akan kata,
'Tak apa, I can grow another tree tomorrow...' Can it be that easy?

Selagi I xtahu the truth, I bukan xredha...tp mcm I ckp td, I masih tertanya2, 'WHY ME???'

Sbb I xtahu di mana silapnya...I xtahu apa salah I...I mesti dapatkan jawapan...

Hari2 I doa kpd Allah supaya dibukakan jalan....utk I redhakan ketentuan ini dgn tenang....Amin.

:: Apa Salahku? ::

Soalan ni dah beratus2 kali masuk dlm kepala...

Aduh...apela salah I smpai dibuat mcm ni.

Hari2 always doa pd Allah, tnjukkanlah kebenaran...

Kalau betul, I dianiaya, tunjukkanlah.

Dan, setiap hari, ada je berita itu dan ini tntang hal ni.

Tp apa salah diri ni? Apa salah I pd dia smpai dia snggup buat mcm ni?

Kurang sayang? Kurang cantik? Kurang comel? Kurang perhatian?

Apakah?

I loved him with no specific reason, I cared about him so much, 

I was so damn loyal, so damn innocent in our r.ships...

Tp kenapa sakit ni yg I dpt?

And that b*tch, sl*t, b*bi, s*ndal tu pn tahu apa yg dah berlaku masa tu.

Bkn dia x tahu kewujudan I...

So mmg dua2 nk makan kaki kot.

Xpelah, for now, I serahkan smua pd Allah....Dia maha Mengetahui.

Kalau betul smua ni jd, I yg jd mangsa kt cni...

Semoga Allah 'permudahkan' hidup korg. 

Smpai mati pn takkan dpt maaf dr I.

One day you akan tahu, what goes around comes around!

And that day akan smpai juga...!

:: Mission membara ::

I have a mission. Mmg dah lame mission nih...tp xjd2...hehe.

ape lg, mission lose weightlah...:) 

so far da nmpak sikit hasil. tp sikit sgt. 

at least da kurang 9 kg since dec 2010.

Chaiyok2! Nk kurgkan isi di smua tmpat...

Nk kurgkan pp yg tembam...haha.

Sbb pp yg tembam ni da xde org nk rindu kn..:)

I swear, you nanges tgk I nnti...hahaha...

Awex you tu ape ade? ngeh.

Idung x mancung, pp poyo, mulut muncung...

sweet gler la tu kn? ngehhh...:p

Idung I x mancung gak, tp comel...haha...:) 

Sbb hati I comel, x mcm hati busukss tu...pergh, smpai cni bau!

yuckkksssss!!!!!

:: Sumpah you Biatch! ::

Harini I rasa semacam je benci gila kt dat biatch. 

YaAllah, jauhkanlah rasa benci dan marah ni...sbb smua ni sifat syaitan....:(

Tp mmg rasa marah, bila ingat2 apa yg dah berlaku.

Deym. Deym. Da xde laki lain ke yg kau nk ha?

Pelik..pelik..I have so many theories on this. 

Tp pape pn tetap menampakkan yg kau ialah seorang Biatch!

If only that guy is so into you, since when? Since we were so in love ke?

Alah, you biatch pn tahu we were so in love, so why you cucuk jarum jgk? 

Sengaja kan? Pantang nmpak laki caring maring, mulela naik daun, ngada2, gedik nk mati.

And if theory kedua betul, I mmg doa pd Allah, semoga kau dpt balasan yg setimpal.

Kau sengaja kacau kebahagiaan org, sengaja desak supaya smuanya hancur.

Takpe2...apa2 pn jd, Allah tu Maha Mengetahui. 

Kau ke, dia ke, dua2 ke, Allah tu tetap tahu.

Sbb I yg teraniaya kat sini. Allah always makbulkan doa org yg teraniaya.

Bukan harini mgkin esok, lusa, minggu dpn, tahun dpn, tuhan akan byr kau...cash or crdt, it's up to Him.

Kau kena ingt, biar pn kau rasa kau dulu yg kenal dia, tp I'm the first one yg dpt cinta dia.

And you think you can love him like I did? 

You think you can have his love like I had before? Haha.

Sorryla Biatch. You terlalu banyak bermimpi. Maybe dia pn terlalu byk bermimpi.

So many ppl curse you. Semua org benci kau.
One day, you'll see how painful your life would be. 

My first impression on you was not a mistake. Evil-hearted.
Sumpah you takkan bahagia, Biatch!

:: Heart ~ Please Be Strong ::

"Heart"

Heart, I know I’ve been hard on you
I’m sorry for the things I’ve put you through
Before you start to break on me or ask for sympathy
I need to make you see

Oh, heart, I’m not sure it’s been long enough
To say that what I feel is really love
There’s just one way to learn, sometimes we’ll get hurt
And right now it’s our turn

Give it time, help me through
Heart, we can do this together
You’re my strength, you’re my soul
I need you now more than ever

Heart, all the hurt will soon be gone
If you’ll, if you’ll just keep on being strong
You will always be my friend, so keep on hangin' in
And we’ll find love again

Give it time, help me through
Heart, we can do this together
You’re my strength, you’re my soul
I need you now more than ever

Heart, I know I’ve been hard on you
I’m sorry for the things I put you through
Please don’t you break on me, I need to make you see
It wasn’t meant to be

‘Cause you will always be my friend, so keep on hangin' in
And we’ll find love again 

 

:: A sweet song by Britney Spears. 

Dedicated to my heart. 

Hang in there, my lonely, broken heart. 

You can get thru this. 

Please be strong. I know you're dying.

But please don't die too soon. ::

:: NUMB ::

Mcm2 dah berlaku dalam masa sebulan ni. Semua buat sy insaf diri.

Bila ada nikmat tuhan, kta lalai...bila smuanya hilang baru kta terjaga.

Hikmahnya besar buat diri sy. Buat sy lebih tabah, walau hati ni mcm tak mampu.

Tp utk hidup, kerja, keluarga, sy kena kuat dan tabah. 

This is the first time in my life, hati ni bukan rasa sakit, tp mcm 'numb', terus kebas...

seriously. 

Mmg rasa sakit, tak percaya, terpinga2, smpai tak rasa apa2.

Ada org kata, knapa sy tak buat apa2, marah ke? maki ke?

Sy kata, biar Allah saja yg tahu derita and rintihan dlm hati ni.

Sbb apa yg jd sebelum ni sgt indah. Mmg terlalu sukar nk percaya apa yg jd.

Kalau sy tanya apa salah sy pn, mmg dia takkan dpt jawab.

Sbb sy sayang dia lebih dr sgala2nya.

Nk curse mmg rse nk curse...especially that biatch. Tp hati selalu kata, Allah Maha Mengetahui.

Sabarkan hati, Intan Azlinda. 

Semua yg dgr kata tak percaya...diri yg alami ni lagi rasa mcm mimpi.

Boleh x nk bgn esok pg and smua ni dah okay smula...and just mimpi ngeri?

Hurm, Allah kurniakan sy sifat yg lembut, sabar dan penyayang.

Intan Azlinda takkan buat s'thing yg against my nature.

Masa masih panjang lg, insyaAllah. Intan Azlinda hanya ada 1 kt dunia ni. Tak ada gantinya.
You'll miss the 'magic' things about me...

You'll miss my love, You'll miss my smile, You'll miss my patience, You'll miss my touch, You'll miss my care, You'll miss everything....percayalah...hati sy kata, percayalah...

You'll regret this. You surely will.

:: Curahan rasa hati ::

24 June 2011
hidup ni mcm mimpi.
kdg2 mimpi yg indah, dan kdg2 mimpi yg ngeri.
hati ni cuma rasa terkilan...terkilan yg amat...
biarlah org menyumpah, biarlah org berkata, tp hati ni tak mampu nk bersuara walau sikit pn.
kenapa? sbb hati ni dah terlalu sakit.
bila terlalu sakit, kita hanya berdoa, hrp2 hati ni 'lumpuh'.
lumpuh dan tak rasa apa2...dan itulah yg dirasakan sekarang.
berat mata yg memandang, berat lg hati yg menanggung...
apa salahku? apa dosaku? apa hinanya diri ini?
hanya Allah yg tahu smuanya...
Allah sayangkan hambanya yg sabar.
Allah kasihani hambanya yg teraniaya.
Satu hari nanti dia akan tahu juga...satu hari nnti dia akan sedar juga...
bahawa takkan ada insan yg boleh menyayangi dan mencintainya seperti yg dirasai dulu.
takkan sama.
kelipkan matamu 3x...dan tanyalah hati, 'Bodohkah aku?'
jawablah sndiri, dgn hati yg ikhlas dan jujur.
kau akan menyesal...bukan harini, esok, atau mungkin kelak...
kau pasti akan menyesal......